i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
