Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
