Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
