There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
