Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I need moral support for this bender
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
