I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
