Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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