omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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