Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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