I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
