The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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