He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
