Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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