I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
