Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
