Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
