And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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