Having a random hookup so left but love u
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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