Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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