Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
