Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
