got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
