it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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