His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
