I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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