You're completely useless in the revolution.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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