I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
