It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
