when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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