he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
