she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
