Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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