Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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