He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well I just put wine in my tea
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We're too hungover to prance.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
