There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
