your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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