Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
