My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
