I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
