Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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