dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
