Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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