Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
