yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
