Do you still have your period?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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