his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
