you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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