Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
