So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
