You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
