Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
