Quick, to the slutcave!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
