is your mom at the bar?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
