At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
