Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
