What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Drunk is not a location!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
